Fears of Regional Instability as Iowa explodes into Ethnic Violence

by zunguzungu

After record voter turnout in Iowa yesterday, angry supporters of Barrack Obama have taken to the streets in protest of the announcement that George Bush had won the state’s Democratic nomination by a wide margin. The announcement came hours before the polls had closed, sparking suspicion that the election’s integrity was compromised, though an independent election commission headed by Jeb Bush certified that the election was fair and balanced. There had been widespread anticipation that Barrack Obama or another Democrat would easily win in the polling.

Election observers from Wisconsin have testified to a wide range of faulty practices in the polling. “While some have called attention to the apparently unlikely fact that a sitting Nebraskuyu president could so convincingly win the nomination of so many Illinuo districts,” said Sven McSvenson, former Vice Commissar of the Peoples Republic of Wisconsin, “at this time, we do not wish to contribute baseless speculation that could imperil the legitimacy of the president.” The neutrality of Wisconsin has been called into question, however, since its economy is heavily based on cheese exports which must be transported to the West via Iowa. The “Packer-Viking” conflict of the late nineties closed off other transportation routes.

In a region known for political unrest, Iowa had been previously regarded as a model of stability. But widespread allegations of election rigging have now raised fears that ethnic tension will escalate towards the kind of violence usually associated with failed states like the District of Columbia, which has been occupied by the Federal government for decades. There is also particular concern that violence could spill across state borders into neighboring Illinois or Nebraska. Though Iowa’s tribal population has, until now, managed to co-exist peacefully, Obama’s tribal constituency (the Illinuo) has been for years forced to occupy the political sidelines, while the Nebraskuyu have dominated the civil service, the military, and centers of cultural capital like the Iowa Writers Program. Many see the violence as a reversion to the past, with mobs turning to street violence to settle old ethnic enmities.

Many Iowans are distressed that media coverage is making them look just like any other midwestern military state. “This is not Michigan,” said one voter, who wished not to be identified, “I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”

Voters in Iowa select candidates according to a secretive ritual known as the “caucus,” a poorly understood convocation of village and tribal communities in which charisma and tribal reputation are believed to sway opinion in unpredictable ways. Efforts to modernize this process has run up against stubborn, ingrained attachment to the pre-modern ritual, though many have suggested that reforming the electoral process would do a great deal to bring a state largely populated by subsistence farmers into the international community.

In the United States of Africa, few have taken notice, though some pundits have issued calls for former colonial rulers to militarily intervene in the commonwealth of American states, most of whom are former colonies of Mexico and Brazil. “We’ve tried letting these people rule themselves,” declared Oginga Odinga, Prime Minister of the USA, “but all I ever see on TV is white people killing white people.”